Friends or Foes?

I would like to know if we are using the word "friend" to loosely here lately? YES this is a rant, not just for you but, for me as well.

We have our best friends, friends and associates., please answer me this, Why in the world do some people take pride in seeing you cry, sad, mad and ready to have a breakdown? Why do some people start a bunch of trouble and then run off like they have had nothing to do with the state of mind that you are in? These are the same people that you and I have classified as friends once. They tell you they are there for you and that anytime you need to talk they are there.. (bullshit)

People, if you can only come and talk/chat with me and it always being some rumors or something that is bad then I feel like you are not my friend... Friends don't like their friends being down all the time, or do they? (cause if they do, I guess I would be friendless) If things are bad and or complicated in a persons life why add more complication? I guess I was that gullible person that was too nice and did not see (or want to see) a bad side to some of the people I thought of as friends..

I have found that I have been way to nice to people that don't care about my happiness or me for that fact, whether it be online or off. If you have something to tell me from now about about a friend of mine, ex, sister, cousin or whatever it is.. Please think twice. I do go to that person and ask if that has been said or either I get mad and end up ruining that wonderful friendship with the person you told me about. I know I am to blame also. I am to blame for trusting you, Loving you and most of all, letting down my guard to let you become of piece of my life. Better yet, I did not see through you quick enough to save myself from calling you a friend.

IF you don't have your information correct, if you don't want your name brought up in the confrontation, if you don't want to look like a fool, think before you speak, or use someones name to benefit your "popularity or to let me know you are such a good friend, because all you let me know is that if you will pack their business, you are probably packing mine also.

It gets so difficult at times. Those endless tears after taking that 5 minute call, reminding me again that it was all once there and closing my eyes doesn't mean it never existed.

How I wish to know in my heart you're that person one call, one breath away; once more. I wish to call you at odd times, just to know, just to be sure you'll pick up each time, so that there can be one night that I sleep happily in the knowledge that there's no wall in between us.

I still know that you are a gem. I'm still thankful for those smiles that came right from my heart. I wish you touch my heart again and stay here to hold me when I wish to dance. So you tell me you regret letting me go... I did not reply. My answer would have been complicated and heavy with sadness and helplessness. It meant a lot for me, more than I'll ever show anymore. Can I ask you to come back and be assured that the crazy friendship we had once, you'd go against all odds just to be here with me one more time? Can I get the feeling that you'd do the craziest of things just for friendship's sake?

Please come back... It's agonizing to pretend everything's fine. I don't care what the world thinks of this, all I care about is having everything back... everything we created. I miss you...